You don't have asthma, your pregnant
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
