I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
