I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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