sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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