so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
