Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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