she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
