so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
