you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
