Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
