You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
