absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
