i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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