just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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