My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
