i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
