capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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