what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
