How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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