yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
