My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize