I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
