Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
