Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
