i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my liver is dry heaving
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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