Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude. I can hear the air.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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