We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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