Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee