a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A bitchslap is in order.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
