dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
