You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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