he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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