I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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