6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
