at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
