if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
