he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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