if only i could text you this smell
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
