I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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