Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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