You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize