She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
