Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My boob is missing a layer of skin
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
