Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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