so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
do nipples grow back?
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