Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
