I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
