i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
