She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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