How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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