I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
