I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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