she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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