i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to cum in my sink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
