Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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