I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
