all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
