I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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