I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
