I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh god the rape fog is back!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
