did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sext me about skeletons
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
