I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just blew my weed a kiss
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
