I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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