I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
