you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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