Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
