Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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