Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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