are you still at the devil's house?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
