The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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