i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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