I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
