I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
