I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
