Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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