I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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