The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
