I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
