It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
