she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
