There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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