If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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