first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
