I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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